"The Car Committed Suicide"

Yes, I know, my jetta is not a bmw...

too bad I had to find out the hard way. i mean, its not like i didn't know my v-dub isn't even close to being what a beemer is, but i liked being naive about it. i liked thinking that i was behind the wheel of a beautifully engineered german machine that people revered as well as envied (i think those two words mean sorta the same thing, but oh well, im stickin to it). being in my own world was a good feeling.

what's even worse is that it was being driven by a person who has a 3-Series! it was like, "hey, look what i can do!" and then realizing "oh wait, this isn't like my car"

next thing you know, we're pulled over on the grass, poppin the hood, standing outside on the hottest day of the year, and just blankly staring at the guts of my imaginary beast. clearly, the car isnt a beast...more like an over-pampered pitbull. kinda disappointing, i know.

just when i thought my problems couldn't get any worse, i look down I-287 and see a big green roadsign looking right back at me..."fuck, its parsippany!" Damn, i'm oh for two in this place! Reason number 4925786 why i hate New Jersey.

i find a Shell Gas Station and this Malu dude named Thomas...

Me: "can you fix her"
Thomas: "yes"
Me: "Price range?"
Thomas: "Daddy's credit card will do"

8 Hours later...car is towed to VW. you'd think the professionals would be, well, more professional. So i decided to let them handle it, thinking that they'd cut me a break...

VW Asshole: "looked it over"
Me: "how much we lookin at?"
VW: "i own your soul"

...douchebags

Thomas: "ah, you're back"

So yea, i got eff'd...badly. Total damage, including 2 tow charges, diagnostic fees by the nazis, and the vet bills to perform surgery on the pitbull...$1,100

Parsippany, New Jersey...the place where fun goes to die!